Sex and Dating

About I week ago I attended my good friend's debut with the City Opera of New York and later went to dinner with one of my girlfriends. We went to my favorite French bistro close by. As per our usual we took turns running through our week's worth of life. My friend likes to date and often will go out two or three times in one week with different men plus she has a man in San Franciso who is under the impression that she is exclusive to him. I don't judge my friend, I adore her, but I wonder why she is terrified of being alone. Her constant dating seems to be an attempt at always having a man in the port because her San Fran fellow has yet to show her that she is the one. Often our conversations take on a Sex in the City-minus two-feel as we always devolve into talk of Sex. She has a lot of it. I don't.
On this night she gently tells me that I will mostly like end up alone if I refuse to "put out." How many dates does it take I wonder. She says that eight is enough(pardon that). Excuse me! I am supposed to open my heart and body to someone after eight meetings. If each date consists of two to four hours of movies, dinner, and conversation then by this formula I should open my legs and let my love flow after 16 to 32 hours of interaction.
Wow! I knew my dog longer that before I let him lick me and week before he jumped in my bed. Heck my dog and I don't even spoon and I have known him for seven years. My two greatest best-friends in the world and I spent weeks together until our first full on hug and cheek kiss.
Nan, one of these aforementioned friends, sent me a CD of her pastor's sermon on reasons why one should not have premarital sex. I had some hard times as a result of promiscuity as a result I had been rethinking my position on the topic. She knows I am not a Christian but I have reached a level of maturity where I can remove the religion from the message. A few lines of Pastor Andy's sermon come to mind.
"When has premarital sex made your life truly better?"
Never, I think.
"Premarital sex only makes life more complicated"
Damm straight
Fire is awesome in the fire pit, it's dangerous running through the forest. (Not the direct quote)
I don't necessarily believe a couple need to be married by the law to be married in the heart. I say this, not as a way to give myself a loophole, but to clarify that I believe a couple can be bound and committed by the heart.
How do I maintain my chastity during these times when society devalues sex as a means to an orgasm and superficial romance?
1. I remember the few times I woke after a night of debauchery feeling really yucky.
2. I infrequently trim my private hair.
3. I remind myself that if any guy wants ME for me, he will wait.

Link to North Point Community Church where you can listen online to a variety of sermons by Pastor Andy Stanley and others. I am referring to The series Twisted part 4 Category of One.

What do you all think? What is your position on Sex and Dating? Do you have a time frame or do you prefer to feel the right moment?



3 comments:

nan said...

Hey! It's Nan...i just love you honey...no 2 people can be more different than you and me, and I just adore you. I think we prove that coming from 2 opposite sides of the spectrum, you can have total respect for one another and have a thriving friendship (sometimes more thriving than others 8-) I appreciate the respect you give me and my beliefs and that you don't discount the wisdom Andy teaches "just because" he's a Christian...Thank you for that!

As for the "sex stuff". For so many years I looked for validation of myself through the men in my life. It didn't really matter what type of relationship it was...whether i was their mental health therapist, ATM machine, errand runner, voice of reason, and/or lover...i would do anything for validation that I WAS good enough...good enough to be loved, worthy of companionship. After years of the same cycle and relationships that sucked the life out of me(and dragged on far too long because sex "feels" good) I was EMPTY!!!! Empty, and angry, and bitter AND to top it off...ALONE!

I can honestly say that in the last 5 years since I realized the MY validation comes from my Heavenly Father (who created me and loved me before I was even born, who loves me and my mess today, and thinks i'm beautiful and is NOT a reflection of my earthly father, but the Perfection of him)I am a much healthier person and happier to boot. I know God created sex, and that he created it for our pleasure, in the context of marriage. As a gift from a husband to a wife, and a wife to a husband to signify the intimacy between them, the confidence, the trust in each other. Here is one definition of intimacy - Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature - do i really want to show my "deepest nature" to just anyone?

Anyway...my past has been wiped clean and forgiven and i'm not looking back towards that pit. I pray one day...my prince will come (sorry...just came out) but until that day I KNOW where my validation comes from, so my legs...stay closed!

Love you tons my little Shiny Starlet (hey...I miss those Trivial Pursuit games)

Heather Waghelstein said...

You were an ATM machine!!!
I completely agree with the validation from men. You know I've done that.
P.S. Don't tell my parents but I'm kind of wistful for an Andy sermon. He has such great things to say.
Thanks for stopping by.

nan said...

My lips are sealed!! (Ugh, I miss the 80's)